Thoughts from the Waiting Pool
"Wait and see" has been the phrase that I have to cap all my thoughts off with these days. For example, "Should I RSVP a 'yes' to that party OR will I be nestled in the rocker with my teeny newborn?" OR "Is it too far to go to Conshohocken for errands in case I start active labor?"
AND ALSO NOW "Is an exorbitant tuition to a private Quaker kindergarten a worthy sacrifice for our family?" We have been "wait-listed" for GFS. I have been in the closet about our process since the letter arrived but it went something like--shock, anger, embarassment, achey dull denial, devastated rage then around again to shock, you get the idea. A few moms in the school community were helpful, this is KINDERGARTEN for Pete's sake, I was reminded. A lot of laughing at the process of applying, a sober look at our finances, and a phonecall with the admissions counselor has helped. The phonecall, I think, helped most.
Caught off-guard, I was reading my daily blogs when she called. Polite and formal, basically she asked me if we'd hang on and remain on the wait-list through the end of the month. I basically said yes but I got the chance to do a brave thing: I explained how I felt disconnected from the process and admitted how I have really tried to cushion myself, having Geoff bring Manny to his interview and his play date. I said, "If you didn't see something in our son, it's because I didn't show you because Manny is a fantastic boy." Of course, she agreed, whatever. The conversation went on but I can't honestly remember it because I got to say what I needed to say. I got to stand by my son. I got to talk about him without fears of "trying to sell him." I got to say the truth without fear. This alone was worth the app fee, the invterviews, the ups and downs. I'm not sure I am capturing well the way it felt to cut through the process, the pressure to BE SOMETHING or to SEEM a certain way and just stick by our kid. I want to live more like this daily, trusting in my relationship with my child MORE THAN I trust a regarded-expert, trusting in this child I live with OVER trusting some development philosophy.
AND ALSO NOW "Is an exorbitant tuition to a private Quaker kindergarten a worthy sacrifice for our family?" We have been "wait-listed" for GFS. I have been in the closet about our process since the letter arrived but it went something like--shock, anger, embarassment, achey dull denial, devastated rage then around again to shock, you get the idea. A few moms in the school community were helpful, this is KINDERGARTEN for Pete's sake, I was reminded. A lot of laughing at the process of applying, a sober look at our finances, and a phonecall with the admissions counselor has helped. The phonecall, I think, helped most.
Caught off-guard, I was reading my daily blogs when she called. Polite and formal, basically she asked me if we'd hang on and remain on the wait-list through the end of the month. I basically said yes but I got the chance to do a brave thing: I explained how I felt disconnected from the process and admitted how I have really tried to cushion myself, having Geoff bring Manny to his interview and his play date. I said, "If you didn't see something in our son, it's because I didn't show you because Manny is a fantastic boy." Of course, she agreed, whatever. The conversation went on but I can't honestly remember it because I got to say what I needed to say. I got to stand by my son. I got to talk about him without fears of "trying to sell him." I got to say the truth without fear. This alone was worth the app fee, the invterviews, the ups and downs. I'm not sure I am capturing well the way it felt to cut through the process, the pressure to BE SOMETHING or to SEEM a certain way and just stick by our kid. I want to live more like this daily, trusting in my relationship with my child MORE THAN I trust a regarded-expert, trusting in this child I live with OVER trusting some development philosophy.
posted by Maria at
7:39 PM
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