Why Work?

Photos: Manny's Arthur Ashe poster and the Fab Four at what we call the "Secret Beach."

Geoff is up for review at work and it has been a very good thing for us. He has put in strenuous hours compiling his dossier-- an exhaustive compilation of basically everything he has done for the school and a record of his performance. He had to submit it and then have it reviewed by his peers. It was this tome, this huge binder to hand in.

I was jealous. He had this tangible, juicy document, detailing all of his hard work, showcasing his past work. On top of that, colleauges he respects and admires give him feedback and guidance about his work from here on out. I wish I could do this, have this concrete document laying out my performance, synthesizing my experiences to make sense and then have someone sign off on it and then give me a cushy raise.

I wish my home were my dossier, an elegant document that demonstrated my fine taste and flexed my organizational muscle-tone. Instead housework is elusive and constantly demanding, a suitcase I want to close but always bulges-- threatening to disgorge. I wish I had student-evaluations where Manny and Benicio could give me feedback on the effectiveness of my explanation of the silent E rule. Instead, it is me ad-libbing and trying to fit instruction into ten minute increments and trying to anticipate their boredom. I wish Clara and Cloe would say, "Mom, I think you need time for more professional development, I can get dinner started."

Maybe I sound ungrateful. But in my ingratitude, there is a pearl of true gratitude. My work and my calling right now is amorphous (How do you measure developmental progress?) and cyclical (Another load of laundry?) and I just laugh. In my sleep-deprivation and fatigue, I am reminided that if I live for myself this is all a vain sham. If I live to serve as Jesus lovingly served then I can reconcile that in my soul.