Spending Hiatus: Outcome
So many of you have asked and this is my answer from the St. Paul's letter to the Romans, "Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." And as our Pastor in Boston would say, "So, then should we continue in our sin? Oh, may it never be so!"
So, this means, I fell. Yes, I fell three times: Gabriel Brothers with my Mom, Anthropologie in Wayne, Gabe's again with my sis. Lent was SO long. And the way I judged myself during Lent was my heart. Even in a very physical sense, my heart gives me away. Example, at the toddler girl's rack, I found a Go Go's T-shirt for Clara. Yes, the band. As in, "Vacation's All I Ever Wanted" and "We Got the Beat." Okay, so I'm flipping through the rack, and I find my heart racing. My nose is perspiring. I am jones-ing.
On that same shopping trip, my dear newly-engaged niece begins to walk with me as I shop. I haven't seen her in a month, I am so eager to hear about her summer plans. She's sharing her predicament, asking for my input. Now, you must know I pride myself in being a good aunt. I spent tons of time playing with this particular neice and feel really invested in her life. The only problem is--I am at Gabe's. It became a mental exercise of discipline and will to manage the variables: I had 30 minutes to shop, Adri is talking to me, and I want to pass through 3 departments. This is how I know I fell: Instead of pushing my cart aside and standing with Adri, looking her in the eye and listening, I hasten on through the aisles as if the cart was driving me through the store, completely unable to stop.
All of these falterings took place in the latter half of Lent. I think I just lost steam. I tend to burn too bright too fast. Documenting this process has helped. I have learned how easily I fall. During this Lenten fast, I did make a very good list of moratoriums: No more kid shoes for now, no more bar soap, please not another tchotchke! I have also learned how much time I spend in stores. When I come through the door with another thing, it is an act of discipline to ask, "Why do I need this?"
So, this means, I fell. Yes, I fell three times: Gabriel Brothers with my Mom, Anthropologie in Wayne, Gabe's again with my sis. Lent was SO long. And the way I judged myself during Lent was my heart. Even in a very physical sense, my heart gives me away. Example, at the toddler girl's rack, I found a Go Go's T-shirt for Clara. Yes, the band. As in, "Vacation's All I Ever Wanted" and "We Got the Beat." Okay, so I'm flipping through the rack, and I find my heart racing. My nose is perspiring. I am jones-ing.
On that same shopping trip, my dear newly-engaged niece begins to walk with me as I shop. I haven't seen her in a month, I am so eager to hear about her summer plans. She's sharing her predicament, asking for my input. Now, you must know I pride myself in being a good aunt. I spent tons of time playing with this particular neice and feel really invested in her life. The only problem is--I am at Gabe's. It became a mental exercise of discipline and will to manage the variables: I had 30 minutes to shop, Adri is talking to me, and I want to pass through 3 departments. This is how I know I fell: Instead of pushing my cart aside and standing with Adri, looking her in the eye and listening, I hasten on through the aisles as if the cart was driving me through the store, completely unable to stop.
All of these falterings took place in the latter half of Lent. I think I just lost steam. I tend to burn too bright too fast. Documenting this process has helped. I have learned how easily I fall. During this Lenten fast, I did make a very good list of moratoriums: No more kid shoes for now, no more bar soap, please not another tchotchke! I have also learned how much time I spend in stores. When I come through the door with another thing, it is an act of discipline to ask, "Why do I need this?"
posted by Maria at
11:26 PM
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