She Takes the Supporting Role

We've enrolled the boys in school. Yes, school-school. A free-standing campus with teachers that are not members of their family. Really, it has been a process. Homeschooling was great for the first semester. We had a rhythm for a while, but it began to be so taxing. I could not outpace their energy. I could not have enough prepared to stay ahead of them. Instead of being a facilitator or a gentle shepherd for them, my fatigue began to manifest in ways that were just not good for any of us.

When I asked for counsel on the matter, our pastor said, write out your vision for your boys and find a verse to stand on. My vision for them individually is different. (As you would imagine.) But both of them involve being articulate individuals who know who they are and know how to lay hold of God's love. He said, "You will get a peace about it and you will know. " This was my verse, "Our errand being one of grace, the Lord will hear us when we ask his presence in it. Now, his Spirit is not "the spirit of fear :" it is the "spirit of love, and of power, and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7)." I chose this one because I recognize that I parent so much out of fear-- fear of pedophiles, fear of car accidents, fear of mass media, fear of leaded water, fear of genetically modified food, fear of the unknown, fear of everything! I have realized that this is no way to raise them, and certainly no way to raise them into men. I wanted to take this process and ask for God's presence in it, God's strength for my doubts, God's humor for my bitter envy, God's wisdom for my fickle heart. I want to trade in my fear for a sound mind.

Here I am Bible-thumping on the blog. I guess it's come to this, I don't have an elegant phrasing for what I'm doing. This is me falling down on a promise with faith. My impulse so much is to do, do , do. Fret, fret, fret. Preen, preen, preen. I realize that by sending them into someone's classroom, that they are entering someone else's care. I can expect a consistent level of enthusiasm, of energy, and most importantly I can expect that they will become part of a circle of learners and find their voice in this circle. I am so happy about our choice. Geoff had the same glimmer in his eye on the tour that he had when we found this house. It's that "There is some re-prioritizing afoot, but we're goin' after it, baby" look.

So, I begin passing the mantle as they say, and I will remove my "lead-teacher hat" to reveal the "Mom" hat that was under there all along. It fits the best anyway.

What We Learn With Pleasure We Never Forget

Days at home with four kids has been the hardest thing I've ever done but also so rewarding. I know that sounds trite. I have been reading a bit about non-coercive methods of education, which means there is no agenda when you teach. There is no curriculum, no set of benchmarks, everything explorative, everything open. This is fascinating to me. If nothing else, it perplexes my parenting. It raises the question-- what is my expectation, my goal for this child? Is it conformity? Conformity to my expectations? To theirs?

Just today we made a zip line in the dining room, made an alternative ending to a story, Manny did archery in the backyard. Our friend Jake made a digestive tract and guest-lectured about taste buds. We had a tame debate about whether or not the brain sends messages or just receives them. Manny steamed the broccoli for dinner. The boys came home from a playdate to find me and the girls folding laundry and watching Gilmore Girls. I left to answer the phone and came back. I asked, "Okay, what did I miss?" Benicio reported concisely, "Luke and the other guy both love Lorelei. Lorelei says she doesn't want to be with him. But now her friend in the kitchen is telling her to keep trying." And just now, I was up late with them discussing roller coasters and rides. I will treasure this homeschool year so much.

The post title is a quote from our dot-paint kit not my own. Photo captions: Benicio measuring buds at my parents' house. Benicio also recreating the park from one of our fave books-- Duvoisin's "Happy Lion." And yes, he is topless. (Yet another perk in the homeschool life.!)