Roasty Toasties for Two:remedy for envy

I just had such a pleasant time with Benicio. The best way to cut a deal with him is to give him things of his very own and most especially time of his very own. Geoff went with Manny and the other first and second graders to Camp Laughing Waters. Since he heard about the trip, Benicio's reactions have just been, well, they've been honest. From bursting into tears, "I'm feeling so jealous right now!" To stockpiling things Manny wasn't excited about into his own "camping bag." And when praying for Manny last night, "that he would have fun and do interesting things at Camp Laughing Waters."

What we did tonight:
-Ate at our sushi counter and not the dining room table.
-Watched the Furious Five while doing everyone's nails (toes too!).
-Bathed the girls while he listened to CD's in his room.
-Read to the girls while he bathed.
-He soaked and talked quietly with his action figures.
-After the girls fell asleep, we sneaked down to the kitchen where we roasted marshmallows on the stove and dipped them in melted chocolate (his idea).
-Then we drank ice water on the back porch while we made a business plan. He wants to sell paintings ($2 for small marker drawings, $3 for paintings, and $5 for sitting portraits). He wants to save for a Nintendo DS and a game to go with it.
-While I dumped the pool, he swung on the swing while the moon came out.
-Highlight: while swinging, I was pitching the kickball to him. he laughed and said, "I knew it would be just as fun at home tonight."
-Phew.

What Gets Done and Doesn't

Doesn't:
-packing of tomorrow's lunches
-folding of laundry
-backyard scan for shoes or clothes that might get rained on in the night
-making of a co-oping schedule for summer camp
-emailing about chaperoning a field trip

Does:
-reading Mary Oliver poems to Geoff while he draws
-blogging
-flossing
-reading 2 chapters in Boundaries with Kids
-listening to Bach's Suite for Cello and doing yoga for my endocrine system
-praying Isaiah 58
-facebooking (everything from voyeuristically enjoying vacation photos to answering messages from my best friend in first grade)

Now, it is time to rest.

Lola Mama

Today is my paternal grandmother's birthday. I only remember a few things about her. I like to think I have her hair, streaks of silver running through it. That I have her love of making things-- when she stayed with us, she made my sister and me many dresses. Yellow gingham and white seersucker with tomato-red rosebuds. She would sew at the dining room table, squinting with bifocals, Halls cough drops in her pocket. Also that I have her sense of smell, instead of kisses, she would heartily embrace us and proceed to sniff our necks and ears. Now, more than ever, do I get that. It is so knee-weakeningly vulnerable to whiff that earthy-potato-ey smell of the boys sweaty heads. Or even Calliope's Saltwater sandals after a day at the museum.

We called my Dad today and sang "The Water Is Wide." When I asked how he was doing, he said, "Umm, not great." I told him how we had planned to honor her today and I got a small laugh from him.

After dinner, I gave each of the kids a pile of their own folded laundry to put away. I had hidden a dollar bill and a package of Lik-m-Aid in their pockets. Lola would do this, my teenage brothers would find a ten-dollar bill neatly folded and tucked into the back pocket of their freshly-laundered jeans. It was such a delight to the household at that time, which was filled with adolescent tension. What better way to humble a surly teenager than to give him ten bucks? My kids were more psyched about the Lik-m-aid. But then we went into the backyard where we set off sparklers. I liked being outside and thinking about her. Once, she swept our entire circular driveway with a short, wispy broom, quietly humming "Were You There?" Or she would walk that same driveway in a sort of calisthenic way. Stereo-typical Asian elder, walking the grounds, hands folded behind the back. I can clearly remember her this way, walking leading with her heart.

Mamas, Grand and Great

A whirlwind but sweet weekend with family: Meeting with Grandma Millie in the garden of her nursing home--the boys drawing and doing catch games. Clara bribed with m&m's to do a short yoga lesson. I figure, "If you're lucky enough to have a great grandmother whose 90 and can still laugh with you, why wouldn't you want to show her your moves?" Grandma said, "Now, there you have someone who knows she's got that special spark!":: Then we went to our hometown to visit with Geoff's Mom, who gave me tons of confidence about leaving our kids with them over our anniversary. They are planning everything from a trip to Hersheypark, a backyard camp-out, and enough pool time to turn them into a school of dolphins. Oh and Geoff and I took the boys out on borrowed bikes for a ride through the old 'hood, which is actually not so old. What were acres of corn fields in my childhood are now so developed that my 15 minute bus ride to kindergarten would now just be a jolly little scooter ride. Manny and Benicio had never biked on the road like that. Manny self-regulated his risks, "When we cross, I'm just gonna walk my bike." And Benicio, looking over his shoulder at us, "We gotta do this again!":: Then Mom and I went out and I came home with a pair of amazing Theory sandals and a whole parenting seminar about how to ache for your kids and then how to simultaneously do what Mary did, "Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." Then Sunday, holding Calliope at Mass while we sang Cary Landry's "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman." I stood with her, trying to get her to sing with me, swaying and wishing I could linger in that moment ad infinitum.

Anxious Mama Bear

The closer we get to Mother's Day, the clearer it becomes that I am in over my head. Way over my head. I want to know:
-How to get a child to gain confidence, I am finding that it is not something that can be given to him.
-How to enjoy one of my child's success without aching for his sibling to have equal success.
-Why didn't I live a raucous and reckless life before I had children? In this way, I feel as though I have always been a serious and intense person, to the degree that I don't know how to rest.
-How to labor out of rest and not just run and run on fumes and then give out completely.
-How to support them without smothering them.
-How to love them and still wean them.
-That for sure, that these kids will be okay. That they'll all end up okay.

Eavesdropping on the Girls

witnessed as I was tidying up my eyebrow line in the bathroom mirror:
Calliope: I am hiding from Benicio. Want me to do a high-bounding?
Clara looks over her shoulder and says, "Go ahead."
Calliope, who is standing in a nook between the bathtub and the radiator, tucks her chin down to her chest but then juts out her tummy. She does so in such a way as if to dare him to find her. Calliope is daring Benicio to find them by sticking out her belly in this way.
Clara: Okay, that's enough, he's gonna find us!

overheard while driving to fetch the boys:
Clara: When we were at the pool, remember that cool waterfall?
Calliope: It was too loud. But the lifeguardens keep me safe.